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You’ve probably thought to yourself many times before “what have I done to deserve this nice thing” or “it’s not a special occasion so I shouldn’t buy this”. This can be especially true when your main priority has always been playing the role of superwoman. That’s just the thing, you don’t have to get a promotion or accomplish something major to do something nice for yourself. Yet, I understand that the notion of treating yourself and embracing luxuries may be harder said than done. Many women, particularly Black women, have been conditioned to feel guilty and selfish when it comes to buying things for themselves especially if it’s considered a “luxury”. Internalizing that narrative can easily make you feel and believe that you don’t deserve those things. This isn’t to say spend all your money so that you don’t have the means to live, but simply that it’s okay to treat yourself here and there. Here are some ways to start moving from “I don’t deserve this” to “Sis, treat yo’self”.
Get to the bottom of your guilt
To truly start embracing treating and allowing yourself to experience nice things, you may have to explore the source of your guilt. Has someone told you that you don’t deserve nice things? Were you not able to have certain luxuries growing up so now it feels wasteful to do so? Whatever, the reason may be, acknowledge the guilt and its source. Ignoring the feeling will not make it go away and can make you feel worse over time.
Reframe your thoughts and how you treat yourself
After you acknowledge the guilt and the negative thoughts that accompany it, then you can begin the process of challenging that notion. A good way to challenge guilt is by replacing your negative thoughts with self-compassion. Instead of shaming yourself, remind yourself that you deserve to do something for yourself and not just for special occasions.
Acknowledge the benefits
Treating yourself has many benefits that improve your mood. It’s a form of self-care and a major way to practice self-compassion. Self-care and nurturing yourself are especially critical when trying to reduce things such as depression, stress, and anxiety. If that doesn’t sell you the importance of treating yourself, consider it an act of kindness while navigating a life that isn’t always so kind. We deserve good treatment regardless of the things we checked off our to-do list or the number of people we care for.
Start small and define it for yourself
When some people think of treating themselves, they may think of buying designer handbags or shoes that are trending on their social media feeds. Which is completely okay. Nevertheless, that doesn’t resonate with everyone, and it doesn’t have to. Doing nice things for yourself and embracing luxury could also look like getting your fave pastry and latte from a bakery or booking a staycation in the city you live in. You get to define what treating yourself looks like for you. Get familiar with what makes you feel good and make a list of ways you can treat yourself often. Start small and get acquainted with what you consider to be a treat.
Get in sisters, we’re treating ourselves.
Jasmine Belvin, LMHC, LPC
author
Jasmine Belvin is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the state of New York and a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Virginia. Jasmine received her Bachelor’s in Psychology and a Minor in Human Services from Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia. Shortly, after she relocated to New York and received her Master’s in Counseling for Mental Health and Wellness at NYU. Jasmine maintains multiples roles as a psychotherapist, researcher, and content creator. She is leading a research team that is investigating the Strong Black Women schema and how it affects black women in the choice of coping strategies when facing trauma. As a therapist, she specializes in working with adolescents and young adults. However, she has experience working with individuals of all ages, sexual orientations, and cultural backgrounds. Her areas of focus include anxiety, depression, adjustment issues, relationships, grief, and PTSD. Jasmine takes into consideration the client’s cultural background and views the client as a whole. Jasmine likes to cater her therapeutic orientation to the individual client and tends to utilize an integrative approach consisting of psychodynamic, cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and/or a person-centered approach. You can further connect with her on Instagram at @missbelvin_, where she posts content related to her passions of reducing mental health stigma, self-care, empowerment, and helping people build better relationships with themselves and others.
