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🎧 Listen: Session 342 — Examining Your Relationship With Social Media · ▶️ Watch: TBG on YouTube
Be honest: how many times have you picked up your phone today “just for a second” and resurfaced twenty minutes later feeling a little worse than when you started? Maybe a little behind, a little less-than, a little more anxious — and not entirely sure why. If that sounds familiar, you’re not broken and you’re not alone. The apps are literally designed to keep us scrolling, and our feeds have a way of quietly shaping how we feel about our lives, our bodies, and our worth.
The good news? You don’t have to delete everything and go live off the grid to feel better. On the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, Dr. Joy sat down with board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Judith Joseph to talk through what a genuinely healthy relationship with social media can look like — including small, doable strategies to unplug without quitting cold turkey, and how to stop the comparison spiral that so many of us get caught in. Let’s get into it.
What does “healthy” social media use actually look like?
There’s no single magic number of minutes that works for everyone — healthy use is less about a hard rule and more about how you feel. A helpful way to check in is to notice the difference between intentional use and compulsive use. Intentional use has a purpose: you open an app to connect with a friend, share something you made, get a laugh, or learn something. Compulsive use is the reach for your phone before you’ve even had a thought — the autopilot scroll you don’t remember starting.
Try paying attention to how you feel after you put the phone down. Inspired, connected, and informed? That’s nourishing. Drained, anxious, irritable, or vaguely inadequate? That’s your body and mind handing you important information. Your feelings here aren’t an overreaction — they’re data worth listening to.
Small ways to unplug (no cold-turkey required)
Going all-or-nothing rarely sticks, and it can leave you feeling deprived and resentful. Sustainable change tends to come from small, repeatable tweaks. A few to experiment with:
- Create phone-free zones and times. Keep the phone out of the bedroom, or off the table during meals. Protecting the first and last 30 minutes of your day from the scroll can shift your whole mood.
- Turn off non-essential notifications. Every ping is an invitation to get pulled back in. Silence the ones that don’t actually serve you and reclaim your attention.
- Add a little friction. Move the apps off your home screen, log out so signing back in takes effort, or set a gentle time limit. Tiny obstacles interrupt the autopilot.
- Replace, don’t just remove. When you reach for your phone out of boredom or stress, have something ready to reach for instead — a walk, a text to a real friend, a few deep breaths, a chapter of a book.
The goal isn’t punishment. It’s putting you back in the driver’s seat so social media works for your life instead of running it.
Curating a feed that protects your peace
You have far more power over your experience than the algorithm wants you to feel. Your feed should be a space that nourishes you, not one that quietly chips away at your self-esteem. Pay attention to the accounts that consistently leave you feeling small, anxious, or not-enough — and give yourself full permission to unfollow, mute, or block without guilt.
This isn’t about avoiding hard truths or living in a bubble. It’s about being intentional with what you let into your mental space, the same way you’re thoughtful about who you let into your home. Fill that space with people who make you laugh, who look like you, who teach you something, who reflect the fullness of Black women’s lives. Curation is a form of self-care.
Loosening the grip of comparison
Comparison is maybe the heaviest weight social media adds to our shoulders — and it’s a rigged game. You are comparing your full, unfiltered behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s carefully chosen, filtered, best-angle highlight reel. Of course you come up feeling short. It was never an honest comparison to begin with.
When you feel that familiar pang of “everyone is doing better than me,” try a few things:
- Name what’s really happening. Remind yourself: This is a highlight, not the whole story. That one sentence can break the spell.
- Get curious instead of critical. Comparison often points to something you genuinely want. Let it inform a goal rather than fuel self-judgment.
- Come back to your own life. Look up from the screen and take stock of what’s real and good right in front of you. Gratitude and comparison can’t easily occupy the same space.
And please hear this: your worth was never up for a vote in the comments. The numbers, the likes, the follower counts — none of that measures who you actually are.
You’re allowed to be in charge
A healthier relationship with social media doesn’t mean swearing it off forever. For many of us, these platforms are how we stay connected to community, build our businesses, find our people, and feel seen. The aim is simply to use them on your terms — mindfully, intentionally, in a way that adds to your life instead of quietly draining it.
Start with one small shift this week. Maybe it’s a phone-free morning, maybe it’s unfollowing three accounts that don’t serve you, maybe it’s just noticing how you feel when you put the phone down. Small steps count, and you deserve to feel good in your own mind.
For the full conversation — including more of Dr. Judith Joseph’s expert insight on building healthier digital habits — listen to Session 342: Examining Your Relationship With Social Media on the Therapy for Black Girls podcast wherever you stream your shows. And if one of these strategies helps you reclaim a little peace, share it with us using #TBGinSession. Your tip might be exactly what another sister needs to scroll a little lighter today.
